Weddings, past and present

Today is my parents' sixtieth wedding anniversary. On December 1, 1946, my father, then a 24-year-old who had served in the Army Air Corps in India and China during WWII, married my mother, who was 19 years old, in front of a justice of the peace in rural Arkansas. Two children and many twists and turns of the road later, my parents are still married, although not living together. My mother now resides permanently in the locked unit of an assisted care facility in Houston, TX, and my father has relocated to Dallas after hitchhiking out of New Orleans four days after Hurricane Katrina flooded their home.

My father's father, born in rural Texas in 1886, never learned to drive a car. His natural wanderlust, which seems to be the family inheritance, spent itself traveling from place to place, all within a range of 300 miles from his place of birth, in order to keep his family of nine children alive during the Great Depression. He was intelligent but uneducated, and seemed to have no use for -- and even looked with contempt on -- modern technology and advanced education. A farmer, he mostly sharecropped, never owning land until his later years, and only used traditional manual farm implements.

My father, a member of the generation who created the American middle class by taking advantage of the post-war GI Bill to obtain a college education and pursue a professional career, is living in a vastly different world from that of his parents. We never know what we set in motion when we act. Despite limits to the adaptability of certain individuals (my mother comes to mind here), and despite our societal failure to attend to the consequences of sudden and/or drastic change, the human spirit and psyche are very resilient things.

A veteran of WWII, my father has lived to see one of his daughters marry a second generation Japanese-American, whose parents lived in internment camps during the war. Forty years ago, my sister and her husband would not have been able to get married; in the US, marriages between a white person and a person of any other race were illegal -- being a criminal offense, punishable by imprisonment, as well as being considered unnatural and obviously against "the laws of God". It took the U.S. Supreme Court decision in Loving v. Virginia, in 1967, to hold such anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional and contrary to fundamental human rights.

Today, December 1, 2006, eight hours away from me in the U.K., two young friends of mine are getting married. One year ago, they would not have been able to do so, since they are both men. Although the legal and moral implications of "civil partnership" versus "marriage" have yet to be resolved -- and in my opinion the impetus to do so will not come from legislation or court decision, but by a quickened process of evolution, having to do with a re-orientation of our views on relationships, gender and sexuality, and what constitutes human integrity and freedom -- there is a seed that has germinated, taken root, and whose shoots have breached the earth's surface, reaching toward the sky.

Here's to a long and happy life together, guys. You are the future, and yours is the future of the human race.

Comments

[Michael]

Kitty, A Happy 60th Anniversary to your parents! I am sure they could write an amazing novel of their lives.

I think we know the same couple who are about to be married. In NJ, our state Supreme Court just ruled that same sex couples who wish to marry are entitled to exactly the same rights as heterosexual couples that are married...the Legislature was ordered to do just that in the form of creating the laws of equality to do so..the debate will be over whether to call it "marriage" or "civil partnerships/unions"

We have come miles and have miles to go.

My father will be 80 in 2007 and served in WWII like your Dad..my Dad served in the North Atlantic...and they have seen much change....the current generation is our new hope for equality but our generation can continue to fight and push for equality....our parents overcame much and we shall overcome as humanity moves hopefully forward toward peace and love and acceptance and understanding and remembering to help the least amongst us, do just and walk humbly with our God..whomever SHE may be.

You keep going being Kitty....keep up the good fight....sending you good karma and love to you and the kitty cats:) and let it snow..enjoy it.

It is still 70 degrees here and a ton of rain and tomorrow its in the 40s and if it goes lower..snow...freaky....global warming is sadly alive and well.

Hugs and Amazing karma sent your way:)

[marlaine]

i love how you write about the history of your family :)
good luck to the happy couple :)
i wonder what it will be like 60 years from now...

[Kitty]

*hugs* back to you, Michael. :)

Your comment reminds me that one of my cousins actually is writing a book based on her parents' love letters.

So far in my life, I have been through half a dozen "100-year" floods and storms, so I think all bets are off when it comes to the weather. Or anything else, for that matter.

[Kitty]

Thanks, Marlaine. :) I'm glad you're enjoying the "family history" stuff, because there's lots more to come. It is truly fascinating.

Sometimes I wish I could be around in 100 years to see how this all turns out, but then I remember that life doesn't ever really "turn out" ... it just keeps going on.

As that two-word summary of Buddhist philosophy says, everything changes ...

[Rob]

Kitty,

I can only hope that Robyn and I will get to celebrate our sixtieth wedding anniversary. It's been a week since we were married and I honestly couldn't imagine my life without him. Though it will probably be another decade before gay men and women can have a full marriage rather than a civil partnership, it's a step in the right direction and it definitely means a lot that we're able to take this step.

Society is ever-changing and it's terrifying to think that a change in the law tomorrow could dissolve my marriage to Robyn, but we have to have faith that society will learn to accept alternative lifestyles and beliefs, embrace the differences within rather than shying away from them and evolve to the point where any man or woman can marry the person they've fallen in love with, whatever their gender might be, without judgement and with the same rights as other married couples.

Rob

[Kitty]

As I've said, I feel that a "re-arrangement" of gender and sexual orientation is the leading edge of human evolution. Here's how seriously I see that: in my view, if something were to squash it, human life might well cease to exist. The current ongoing changes in gender/sexuality are not necessarily causing human evolution, but they are an integral part of it. If that part of it does not proceed, the rest won't, either.

*hug* to you and Robyn.